It’s a common question with an anticipated joyful answer: “So what are your plans for the holidays?” To most, the answer involves gathering with family and friends, long tables with more than ample food, kitchens full of wannabe family cooks trying to help but generally getting in the way, stories of past years, good cheer, exchanging thoughtful presents, laughter and maybe a few football games to watch. There are, however, many for whom the thought of the holidays brings a different outcome. There are those without a home, without enough food, a scarcity of money to buy presents, missing family members, and depressing thoughts of opportunities missed and a lack thereof. There are also many who’s profession demands that Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah and other traditional holidays are just another day of work. Such is the case with cooks, chefs, restaurant servers, bartenders, and managers. The holidays are busy days for these folks whose job it is to put on a smile, put aside their missed family gatherings, and act happy to serve others.

What once was unheard of, now is commonplace. A growing number of families are choosing to avoid the hustle and disruption in home kitchens and instead rely on restaurants to create the family table. Some of the busiest days of the year in restaurants were once empty seats. In kitchens tucked away in your towns and cities across the country, in dining rooms where silverware is being polished and water spots on glasses are buffed out, where carpets are vacuumed and windows cleaned, garland pulled from doorway to doorway and festive candles lit, and where lonely dishwashers and porters prepare for massive numbers of pots to wash and floors to clean, restaurant workers gather with their second family to push through the day.

This is not a gripe session but rather a statement of reality that too many people overlook. Restaurant folks work to help your families celebrate. They do so with skill, efficiency, and a smile even if they share the angst of missing those special moments at home. They (we) signed up for it. This is the profession, this is what it means to be in the service business, this is our calling – to bring people together to break bread, celebrate, remember, laugh, and enjoy the moment. This business of service is not a surprise, it’s part of the job description and we step forward and sign on the dotted line. So, this is not a plea to feel sorry for those who choose to work in the restaurant world, but rather an “ask” to keep these terrific people in your thoughts when you step into that local restaurant dining room. Smile back at them, say a kind word, refer to them by name, thank them, tip them well and maybe even send a note back to the kitchen to say how much you enjoyed the meal.

I spent my entire career in kitchens and loved almost every moment. I even tried to make the best of missed holidays and other family events. I celebrated with my second family and found alternative dates to do the same with my biological family. I thoroughly enjoyed the company of those who showed up with that smile to serve through their own drama.

I have been removed from the hustle and bustle of kitchen life for some time now but always keep those exceptional folks in my mind and heart – especially during the holidays. Whenever I dine out, I rarely miss an opportunity at the end of a meal to walk in the kitchen and thank the cooks and dishwashers for providing a great meal, shake a few hands, and pass a smile their way. You would be amazed at how they respond – first a little shock, then a smile, a nod, sometimes a fist bump, and always a glimmer of pride in what they do. It’s that easy – try it during these holidays and beyond.

And remember tis better to give than receive. So, give to your local food pantry, donate good quality used clothing when you can, buy a few meals at your neighborhood café to pass forward to someone who cannot afford it, buy a hot cup of coffee and a pastry for that homeless person on the street, make the effort to pass along the generosity of the season. Make your list of three or four charities whose work you respect and make an annual donation. It doesn’t need to be much…$10 can help and you can find a way to afford it. Give to Toy’s for Tot’s knowing that an otherwise sad and disappoint child will smile and laugh because you care. We are all in this together if we act as such.

PLAN BETTER – TRAIN HARDER – BE KIND

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