So many times, throughout my life in the kitchen, I would watch in wonder at the patchwork of honest, fragile, determined, sociopathic, caring, hardworking, sensitive, brutal misfits (I mean that in the best way) people who tie on an apron and dig into another day in heaven and hell. I have been watching the third season of “The Bear” and as always feel alignment, dread, excitement, fear, and angst as I watch what is truly the most authentic depiction of the emotional powder keg called a restaurant. Full disclosure – I loved working in kitchens for more than 50 years. I loved the people, the intensity, the uncertainty, the creativity, the adrenaline, and even the pressure in some crazy way. Those who watch this show and have never worked in a kitchen may enjoy the craziness and the spectacular acting, but they will never know how truthful it is. Now, not every restaurant is as off the wall serious about the food and minutia that drives Carmine (the main character), but the “feel” of that is always hanging in the air regardless of the restaurant.

So, reflecting on those times when I marveled at the mosaic of personalities, I wonder what gives? Are emotional cliffhangers created because of the intense atmosphere of the kitchen and the demands of the work or are emotionally complex people simply drawn to an environment that welcomes them? The Emma Lazarus poem – The New Colossus, has welcomed immigrants to our soil for almost two centuries:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

In other words – we welcome you no matter what baggage you bring along. I wonder if there is an unwritten poem that welcomes so many to a life in the kitchen:

“Give us your tired, your poor, your troubled and uncomfortable, those with a lack of confidence and self-worth; hidden talent searching for a way to express what they feel; introverts and extroverts, those who are anxious and fearful, the odd ducks who aren’t sure where they fit, the ones who have never seemed to fit and who have been told that they are weird and unusual, the ones who are hard to like, but impossible not to try, and those seeking to laugh and smile, but unsure whether they have the right to do so. This is who we want in our kitchen.”

The kitchen is a place of shelter, a haven for all who fit this description. This is what I saw every day when I walked through those kitchen doors. These are the best people I know, the most complicated, the most in need of a pat on the back and an occasional friendship hug. These are the people I want to go into battle with and the people who need my support and understanding more than anything else. “Shelter me, I will shelter you” is a mantra that is rarely sung, but always felt in a kitchen where the team gels. You take care of me, and all the complex issues that haunt me, and I will do the same for you.

Deep inside each cook, chef, dishwasher, butcher, baker, server and bartender is working under the weight of some hefty baggage. Some might have other aspirations of a life different than the one they lead, but for a multitude of reasons never experience. Others may have tried at life and failed or failed to try and never stepped past that haunting realization: “Could have, should have, didn’t.” No matter the background, what you see on the surface is a mask to hide what is underneath.

The characters in The Bear are all troubled, but when the restaurant gels, they breathe free and even feel a small sense of pride in who they are. When it doesn’t work then those monsters under the bed rear up their ugly heads and any sense of completeness quickly fades away leaving nothing but pain and scars.

The chef’s job is to understand this, watch for this, care, support, listen, lift them up, nod and smile, push them, expect them to be great and accept nothing less, and make them feel just how important they are. The restaurant’s job is to provide that safe “shelter” that they can turn to and escape their insecurities.

So does a restaurant with its unpredictability, intensity, pressure, heat, sweat, and interdependence create people who are this complex, fragile, and wonderfully real or are people with those traits drawn to the environment that is supportive of life’s ups and downs and the creative people who try like hell to find their place? I tend to lean towards the latter and relish the opportunity to attract this real diversity, this human patchwork that makes cooking so inspiring and real.

I have heard several foodservice folks say that watching The Bear is too close to home and that it makes them nervous. So be it. The show is real, and it makes me think about the business that chose me like so many others. Restaurants are the safe house for the troubled, for it is the troubled who are most creative, and creativity is what makes cooking and enjoying food so wonderful.

PLAN BETTER – TRAIN HARDER

Harvest America Ventures, LLC

Restaurant Consulting

www.harvestamericacues.com  BLOG

(Over 900 articles about the business and people of food)

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